


5 times Steve was alone + 1 time he wasn't

by colorfulbucky



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, Exposure therapy, M/M, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, protect steve rogers literally forever, steve loves bucky, tony cares but he expressed it in a weird way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2017-04-29
Packaged: 2018-10-25 07:08:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10759260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorfulbucky/pseuds/colorfulbucky
Summary: Alternatively: 5 times Steve missed Bucky + 1 time Bucky was there with him





	5 times Steve was alone + 1 time he wasn't

**_1._ **

"Please stay safe sweetheart," Bucky mumbled as he hugged me. I wanted to kiss him but I restrained myself and offered up a weak smile. Bucky loaded on to the boat and he waved at me as he sailed off. I watched the boat sail away until it was nothing but a blur in the distance before turning around.

I walked with my head down until I got back to the apartment. I sobbed silently and leaned against the door frame as I stumbled with my keys. I finally unlocked the door and went in, I looked around the apartment and my mind raced with memories of Bucky. I sunk down against the door and sobbed grossly, I felt empty without him.

  
**_2._ **

"Steve, do you got a gal back home?" One of the dancers, Darlene, asked.

"No ma'am," I said.

"You don't gotta call me ma'am, ya know," Darlene said.

"I'm sorry," I apologized.

"It's alright, so about having a gal," Darlene pressed.

"I have to go," I said as I ducked my head and went to my dressing room. I locked the door and sat on the couch, I heard the girls mumbling so I listened in on them.

_"Did you try and talk to him again?"_

_"Yeah, he just dodged my question."_

_"I think he's a little funny."_

I stopped listening as I looked at myself in the mirror. I ripped my costume off and threw it into a corner to be forgotten. All my insecurities rushed in and I slammed my fist into the mirror.

"Steve, are you alright?" Senator Brandt asked.

"I'm fine sir," I said as I picked pieces of glass out of my skin.

"Alright son," Senator Brandt said and left. I looked at the mess I made and sank to the floor. I silently sobbed as I fumbled to get my picture of Bucky out.

"Please be safe," I whispered through my sobs.

  
**_3._ **

I sat in my tent as I sobbed quietly, I heard rustling outside and I went to check on it. I rubbed my eyes and I saw Zola.

"You," I growled. Zola tried to say something but I threw him across the camp. I stormed over to him then started punching him.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!" I roared as I pummeled him. Zola pleaded with me and I kept beating him until I was ripped away from him.

"STEVE!" Peggy said and slapped me.

"Why did you make me stop," I asked. Peggy grabbed me by my hair and lifted my head up, in Zola's place was a bruised and bleeding Gabe. I cried harder and pulled Gabe into a tight hug.

"M'so sorry," I cried and Gabe awkwardly patted me on the back. Peggy loosened my grip around Gabe and he took in a deep breath.

"M'sorry," I sobbed and pulled my knees to my chest. The Howlies took Gabe to the medical tent and Peggy looked at me.

"Steve, we know you loved James more than anything, but you need to stop beating up all your men." Peggy said and I sniffled.

"I thought he was Zola," I said.

"Oh Steve," Peggy sighed then pulled me into a hug.

"I shouldn't be here, I'm a danger to everyone," I said.

"Yes, but you're the only one who can truly avenge James' death," Peggy said and I nodded as I rubbed my eyes.. I went back to my tent and avoided everyone until I fell asleep and had nightmares full of Bucky's screams.

  
**_4._ **

I stared blankly out the window and ignored the meeting going on around me.

_I looked around and saw Bucky chasing after a dog._

_"C'mon Stevie," Bucky laughed and I smiled then took off after the dog with him. I tripped over a rock and fell into a mud puddle, I splashed mud all over Bucky and the dog._

_"You're so dirty Stevie," Bucky said and I laughed._

_"Shut up," I laughed and Bucky smiled at me._

"Steve," Natasha said and I blinked.

"Wha-"

"You zoned out and started laughing at nothing," Natasha said.

"I did," I asked.

"You're crying now," Natasha said.

"I am," I asked and rubbed my eyes. I felt wetness on my hands from my tears and I blinked at my hands.

"I guess I am," I said.

"What just happened Steve," Natasha asked with a concerned tone.

"Nothing that matters anymore," I said.

"Anymore," Natasha pushed.

"Like I said, it doesn't matter. Now, where were we?" I dodged and Natasha gave me concerned looks through the rest of the meeting.

  
**_5._ **

"Cap, don't you think you should take a break? We just avoided global annihilation and you want to go after some guy who tried to kill you!" Tony said and threw his arms out in exasperation.

"You don't understand Tony," I said.

"You thought your lifelong best friend is dead and he is, now he's been replaced with whatever junk Hydra stuffed in him. He's gone Rogers and he obviously doesn't want you to find him." Tony said and I shook my head.

"No," I said.

"You just need to move on before you get yourself again," Tony said and I looked at him.

"If I let him go then I'll hurt myself, in more ways than one," I said lowly. I turned on my heel with tears running down my face as I left Tony speechless.

  
_**+1.** _

"C'mon darlin', I'm right here and so is Sam," Bucky said as I stared at the cold water droplets on his skin.

"Steve, we don't have to do this if you don't want to. Exposure therapy isn't for-"

"I can do this," I said determinedly. I   reached out and touched Bucky before flinching away from the cold droplets.

"Take your time doll," Bucky said. I touched him again and closed my eyes as I tried to focus on the warmth of Bucky's skin versus the cold wetness. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again to see Bucky smiling at me supportively. I let out a choked sob then I leaned against him.

"I'm here sweetheart, you're alright," Bucky said as he held me while I cried. Bucky mumbled praises against my hair as he rubbed my back soothingly. I sniffled then turned my head to look at him and he smiled at me.

"You did so good babyboy, I'm so proud of you," Bucky said.

"I sucked," I said.

"You didn't," Bucky said.

"You let Barnes hold you even though I drenched him in cold water. You actually were far from sucking," Sam smiled. I smiled weakly and Bucky kissed my cheek then picked me up.

"Now, let's go watch a musical or something," Bucky said and I hummed in agreement. Bucky smiled at me before taking me back to our floor.

**Author's Note:**

> hmu on my wattpad colorfulbucky to be sad about steve rogers with me
> 
>  
> 
> also sorry i don't have my wattpad account as a direct link but im a loser and losers don't get to know how to add links into the notes


End file.
